Kill The Director
by blackberriesandhoney
Summary: What can Quinn Fabray do when the muse for her musical gets casted as the lead? After eight years, Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray meet again, one on the stage and one behind it. The denial of a handful of stolen moments still ripe after years apart. AU.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

**It's In Your Eyes**

It was like a punch to the gut. Her breath decided to tear from her body and leave her still, frozen as hazel met brown. That mix, of a thousand greens and browns, colliding for the first time in years with those glowing mixes of every shade of brown that Quinn could never even wish to imagine. It was like coming home and meeting a stranger all at once. Her mind already tearing in two, who she had been, who she had become all because of those brown eyes. Warm brown eyes, wide and blinking, as she wished they were getting the same reaction to meeting her own, but she knew. She knew that those feelings, that mix of the girl she was in high school to the confusion of hatred and friendship that never had been clear, that had never been anything but mind twisting-those feelings weren't tearing through that still lithe figure before her.

These were all exclusively Quinn's emotions. Quinn's thoughts, years of thoughts and feelings. They were _hers_. Her guilt, her confusion and her memories of those stupid brown eyes.

_They were wider. Wide and filled with confusion and a little hazy as they once again tilted up to meet her gaze. Quinn's gaze was...much different. Filled with desire and content, but only filled with that for a moment, for the moment it took for her to realize that the girl before her wasn't feeling the same, it wasn't written as clearly along that tan face beneath hers and Quinn was pushing away, pushing away and ignoring how bruised and plump those pink lips looked from the assault. _

_Running away. Running out of the bathroom, her legs much stronger than they had been a year ago. A year ago when they had been out of commission. Taken from her by a drunk driver as she tried to head towards a stupid party-a stupid party that meant more to her in that moment than her walking would a year later, taken from her by a football player by the name of Jake Turner, who had to transfer schools after her dad sued his family. The settlement was what had paid for the dress she was wearing now. The teal confection was perfect against her skin tone, perfect to wear wasting the night away with dancing and laughing at what should have been the senior prom to die for-she had escaped dying once, she could handle a night of carelessness, but instead of turning to the flask that Puckerman had snuck into the McKinley gym, she choose to be much more daring...much closer to death. _

_She must have had some wish, and this night...this night was much more fatal, she was much more likely to lose her life tonight. Air rushing from her lungs, her body stiff and shaking if she stood still for more than a few seconds, she had never been so scared, not even in the spilt second she realized that Jake's SUV was meeting the side of her car...not even then, had she been as scared as she was as she approached the girl with the brown eyes, wrapped up in a light pink dress and looking as if she was dancing on a cloud, lost to any emotion other than the bliss that came with music and freedom. _

_Dragging Rachel Berry into the bathroom, using an excuse of a make-up touch up. Even a year or so of being friendly to the girl didn't mean she couldn't throw out one mean comment that had the brunette easily in her hands and before a bathroom mirror. Even though...Quinn felt a moment of regret when she saw the flash of hurt, the little bit of insecurity that crossed in Rachel's eyes. Even after a year Quinn knew she scared Rachel, she never let her know where she stood, every time Rachel felt secure in their friendship, Quinn would drift away. At first she blamed it on the wheelchair, on the fact Quinn was withdrawn from everyone...and Quinn let it happen, it was easier-easier than the sweet death she was about to subject herself to. _

_The brunette didn't get to meet her reflection or attempt to find the non-existent flaw that Quinn had made up to bring her in...her fingers digging into the soft flesh of Rachel's bicep, her hips were meeting Rachel's, pushing into them, even through the material of both of their dresses...Quinn wanted contact, she'd find contact. Pinning the girl between the porcelain sink and her own frame, her lips crashing onto those all-so-tempting ones that could only belong to Rachel Berry. The taste of blackberries and honey, some kind of organic lip balm, Quinn could only guess reached her tongue as it transferred onto her own lips-erasing the taste of vanilla that came from her lipgloss, her lips pressing hard against the soft ones that belonged to her once enemy. _

_She was daring. Choosing to jump headfirst into this death, into this sweet blackberry and honey swirl of a girl, of a death. Her lips were forceful and Rachel was-Rachel was giving in, her lips parting and Quinn's greedily muffling the happy sigh that came as she did, it was hers. These sounds were hers, this taste was hers, all this death by Rachel Berry was hers. She was pressing closer, her heartbeat was slowing down, speeding up and it was all so dizzy, all so addicting. An addiction she had prepared for, one she had tried to prevent, but she couldn't-not even Quinn Fabray could prevent the fact that one day her lips would met Rachel Berry's and she'd be strung out from then on._

_Except she couldn't-_

_It was only a few seconds, a few seconds that had her dizzy and happy. Dizzy and spinning and surrounded by the taste of blackberries and honey-a taste that she'd seek out, finding the lip balm and still wearing it years later, years after she ran away...ran away, back out into the gym after meeting a shocked expression and silence. For the first time silence met Rachel Berry and it was too much for Quinn. So, she did what she did best, Quinn Fabray hid and ran and denied the things she knew to be all too true about herself and her feelings and all those icky feelings that came with finally doing something only to have that girl-the girl whose taste was still on your tongue, the girl whose lack of heat, lack of body heat radiating against yours from basically covering her with your body for those few deadly seconds...that heat, the lack of-it was noticed as Quinn took her retreating steps. _

_On legs shaky not only because she had spent the last year or so, relearning something that one didn't originally right for the first couple years, only instead of falling on her ass with a giggle, Quinn had shamed herself into succeeding into walking again. _

_All so she could walk again. All so she could walk into prom. All so that Quinn Fabray could meet with the death that had been awaiting her since she had first realized that Rachel Berry was someone she wanted to be around. All so that she could realize that kissing her was-it was a mistake. _

_It was a mistake. _

One that was all too real. Eight years later. Eight years and just meeting those wide brown eyes made her feel just as stupid as she had escaping from McKinley's girl's bathroom the night of her senior prom. She couldn't run now. She couldn't escape, this was a death-one that didn't taste so much like honey or blackberries, except for the swipe of balm she had made across her lips as she had entered the building. The brand had almost quit making it-and after wearing it for eight years, Quinn had grown attached, even if she made herself mentally deny the origin of how she had even gotten into wearing it...there was a lot she denied, especially when it came to Rachel...and even more that she'd have to deny now.

Now that Rachel Berry was her leading lady.

The one cast as the lead in her musical, that was. And it wasn't like she was about to fire the most sought after new actress in New York, especially considering that she was ninety percent sure by the look of surprise on Rachel's face that the girl hadn't known she was the writer/producer/everything-else that _2052_ needed to run as effectively and correctly as possible. They were off-Broadway and under-budget and Quinn had a few more meetings with possible investors and having Rachel's name attached to the Playbill would only make the money come in more, and she could finally have a night off and maybe even get to enjoy it.

Besides, if she told Rachel to hit the road, Heather would-Heather would probably kill her and then just recast both Rachel and find a new writer/producer/everything to do Quinn's job to make this musical work-though Eric, the composer, would easily be able to fill her shoes on the writer front if anything needed to be changed. But, Quinn wasn't going to dwell on the fact that for her production, she was more easily replaced than the talent was.

There was no escaping Rachel Berry's gaze. Not anymore, not right now. Because Quinn was stiffening, forgetting that kiss ever happened-forcing herself to forget the girl she had been for two years of her life, the one part of her who actually enjoyed Rachel Berry's presence. She moved her focus away from those stupid knowing eyes and instead shot a look down the brunette's frame. "Whoever did casting either deserves a promotion or to be fired." That's all she said. Eleven words. Eleven words in eight years. Another instance, another chance meeting-a few years ago, she had barred it from her memory and it wasn't counting, it wasn't counting right now as she sent a more menacing look towards Rachel. Before breaking any connection between Rachel Berry and her eyes and walking past the girl-no, the woman.

Quinn had a job to do. A show to put to the stage, and she wasn't going to waste her day thinking about a mistake she had made for a couple seconds when she was eighteen.

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**AN: It's a little on the short side, sorry, but it'll get longer, this was more of a teasing chapter to pull one in and the rest will definitely carry better results!**


	2. Hate Is A Strong Word

Chapter One

_Hate Is A Strong Word_

"What drew you to _2053_?"

"The passion. It was so undeniable between Katrina and Lucas, I knew that I had to...I had to be a part of it."

"How did you feel about doing a musical set in a dystopian future? It's so unlike your other work."

"It really isn't that different. I mean, sure, if you focus only on the _1984_-esque government, then, yeah, it's a little different from what I've normally signed on with, but when you look at the characters, the romance and the loss between the two characters and the way the others work together, then no, it's not really that different."

"Can you tell us anything about the musical?"

A crescendo of laughter and a shake of her head, brown curls floating around her like they always had. Quinn's eyes were narrowing at the computer in her lap as she watched a grin break out along Rachel Berry's face.

"I can tell you a little more about my character, but other than that, we're remaining tight-lipped about the production."

"Of course, of course. So what can you tell us about Katrina?"

"I love her." Another burst of giggles and a careful hand raked through those brunette locks, knowing that her stylist wouldn't be too happy if she completely destroyed the work that had been put forth to make her camera ready at eight in the morning. "I mean, she's so relatable...in the scheme of things. She's a young woman-" More of that giggling, before her face sobered, "Who has grown up in a world that hasn't known love in a long time. It's gotten to the point that marriages and reproduction is only for business and convenience and she, while not knowing of love or freedom of it, hasn't really completely accepted this life. She meets Lucas by chance, and Lucas has accepted it, he's really conforming to the new world order, and they kind of..." A coy smile, "You'll just have to watch _2053_ to find out."

Exiting out of the window, Quinn was torn between being annoyed and in awe. Same old Rachel. Same old ability to pull someone in and leave them wanting more...No, Quinn wouldn't be going down that road, not with a warm hand running along her knee. A warm hand that was paired with a cold voice, both were trying to be reassuring.

"Are you gonna keep watching videos of our star all night or we gonna actually enjoy our only night in before the media storm of your baby comes to hit us?" There was warm breath on her ear, another hand moving around her shoulder and Quinn didn't even feel the reassurance. She never felt warmth with Heather. Heather never felt warmth with Quinn either. They were business partners. Business partners that slept together when they felt the urge. Ones that were thinking of buying an apartment together, simply because there were some listings closer to the theatre that they could afford together. One with two bedrooms and none of the warmth, Quinn had always imagined when she thought of moving in with a girlfriend.

But this worked for her. Heather worked. And, that's why she was shutting her computer and leaning back into her girlfriend. Her business partner. Hands were locking around her waist, a hand slipping beneath the waistband of her sleep shorts, splaying against her flesh and just resting there. Another tactic to add warmth to their relationship, but it felt forced, and she knew it was nothing the woman behind her would do of her own accord if she didn't feel as though Quinn wanted more.

Quinn hated and loved the effort. She loved that Heather had started to ask her to sleep over, even gave her a drawer-though it was barely filled because Quinn still had her issues with relationships. She enjoyed that her own repressed sexuality was coming out more every time that she caught a flash of raven hair and almond-shaped blue eyes before being pressed up against the shower wall, that same warm hand against her waist would always slip down until the normally statuesque Quinn Fabray was reduced to nothing more than a pleasure driven body. But she hated it...just as much, possibly more than she enjoyed it. Because, while the actions were sweet and sometimes even caring, they never made their way into those icy blue eyes. Quinn reassured herself that even though it wasn't there, that warm feeling of higher affection that should be filling her from the pit of her stomach to the tips of her toes, that Heather was good for her. Maybe it'd show up one day, and they'd feel more like a real couple; for now, they had this. This arrangement that worked well for the show, though she wasn't sure if other writers had this close of a relationship with their producers.

She was supposed to be on the stage. Quinn had tried out for one non-singing role in another work, even with her history in glee club, she still didn't find her singing voice to be a strong suit. Heather had been in charge of casting, and had tracked Quinn down, buying her coffee and having a slightly wandering hand-though that whole "I might consider casting you if you sleep with me" thing dropped quickly when Quinn had mentioned without thinking that she had a manuscript she was working on. Heather was more interested in that than the possibility of getting Quinn drunk enough to hook up with her.

A year later, here they were.

"You're right." Quinn murmured. She let her bones slip away, relaxing into the pliant body of her girlfriend. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for that storm."

Heather shook her head, resting her chin on Quinn's shoulder. "Always am." Her voice was a little too smug, but Quinn wanted that relaxing night in, more than she wanted to freeze up and spend the night alone in her own apartment. "Speaking of which, how perfect is Miss Berry? I almost couldn't believe it when we actually managed to get her, I heard Greg from _Fiddler_ has been trying to get her for months, but her agent contacted us."

"Almost to good to be true." Quinn muttered, her tone lacking emotion and she could recognize that she was being far to dry for the tempo of the evening that even she wanted. "But, can we forget about the show for an evening?" Her own hand was sliding up Heather's arm, bringing them back to the physical realm, where she felt far more confident. Not the one where she had to talk about Rachel Berry.

"_I hate Rachel Berry." It was muttered as her wrist flicked back and forth. Mixing up Coach Sue's energy mix almost a little too violently to do any good, and Santana was staring at her with amusement written deep into her features. _

"_What'd Hobbit do now?" Santana's thumb was flipping the lid to her own water bottle, it was pretty much all the girl did anymore. Drink the required mix and ignore food, despite the fact, she had a full tray of fries and a burger before her. Quinn didn't say anything, Brittany didn't notice and Santana wouldn't let any of the other Cheerios close enough to witness the girl's eating habits, the lack thereof. _

_Quinn on the other hand, had an empty tray because there was an extra two pounds residing on her love handles and her thighs were far too thick when she would catch her reflection every morning. She wished she had that discipline, to force herself into rejecting food and getting as thin as she wanted to be, as thin as the future head cheerleader should be. The current Head Cheerio, Cassie McCarty sometimes looked like the wind could blow her over, she was tall and lean and Quinn heard they had to special order her uniform. Coach had even mentioned Quinn's potential, and even though she was a freshman, she was determined. Determined to be on top, and the best-even if she couldn't control herself the way Santana could, as evidenced in the fact, her hand was hovering over the table and snatching up a few of the untouched fries on her friend's tray. _

"_I just...she's so obnoxious." Quinn was basically snarling over the table, which only caused Santana's eyes to roll. Another chug of power mix and tan arms crossed over her chest. _

"_How abouts you tell me something I don't know and elaborate on why she's being obnoxious enough for you to slum in my fries." Santana was the only person that could wear a smirk and still look bored and for some reason that only set Quinn's temper at the moment higher, her cheeks flushing pink for the longest moment, before the blonde was shaking her head. "Because other than being obnoxious, there has to be another reason you've got your Spanx in a bunch." _

_Dropping the fry in her hand onto her own empty tray, as though it burned her at Santana's statement, Quinn took a few moments before groaning. "It's Schuester's class, again. She was supposed to be Puckerman's Spanish partner, but guess who got paired with Finn Hudson? And those two apparently can't live a day without each other, so guess who is receiving email after email asking if I think that "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" would be a great addition to the end of the semester country project." _

_A laugh erupts from Santana and Brittany finally looks up from her magazine. The other blonde had been silent for the meal and sometimes, she could be quiet enough that the conversation would work around her and she'd eventually pipe in, like she was about to, a soft smile on the girl's face. "I think Rachel is really nice. She helped me in English the other day, Mrs. Bowen is so unfair most of the time, but Rachel explained what we have been reading. Dickens is like...really hard." _

_It was a simple enough statement. But both Quinn and Santana stopped listening after 'Rachel is really nice' and chose to stare at Brittany as though she had sprouted something, that was before the girl in question appeared from behind the blonde's head. Moving along the cafeteria line, grabbing the few food choices at McKinley that the vegan could actually eat, clueless to the conversation going on between the Cheerios...but only Quinn seemed to notice her. Taking in the knee high plaid socks and the skirt that she was sure Berry stole from her grandmother, Q only rolled her eyes and returned the attention to what was at hand, which brought her right back to Santana speaking. _

"_That's...great, Britt." Her nose scrunched up and she just picked up her bottle, taking another swig. _

_Quinn almost self-consciously at this point did the same. Those two pounds returning to her mind. She'd do more laps at practice today. More ways to prove her dedication to Coach Sylvester and...she wanted the fat gone, especially from her thighs. Her mother's chiding that morning, finding it's way back to her and she only took a larger gulp, _"Do you want me to find you a date to the Chastity Ball? Mary's son's date cancelled and it's getting crunch time dear, I wouldn't want you to have to go stag, that doesn't look well for ladies."_ Of course, her mother had been cut off by Quinn running out to catch the bus. Running far faster than normal to escape her own issues, the additional ones that her mother seemed to have no problem adding on to her day. She almost felt like she was suffocating when her mother mentioned the Chastity Ball. It'd be Quinn's first time and it had excited her, she had been ready and looking forward to the event since summer, and her dress-ordered two sizes too small, it was supposed to be inspiration for Quinn to loose that last couple pounds and she had...except for those love handles and she just...took another swig of energy mix and prayed that some how she'd be able to work off those fries during practice. _

"_So it's really because Rupaul is annoying and not because you wanted to be partners with Frankenteen?" Santana's brow rose up towards after she finally managed to shake off Brittany's comment. She had seen the way Quinn eyed him at practice, the Cheerios on the sideline while he and Puckerman did passes. Of course, that's what Quinn wanted her to see, that's what she wanted everyone to see. Dating Finn would be a great way to move up the social status, she was going to be Head Cheerio and he was a shoe-in for quarterback once John Duffy graduated this spring. Of course, she went a little out of her way to get his attention and everyone was keying into the fact she was laying a claim...except for Finn. Being his partner in Spanish-would have had it's advantages, to be sure, but that was only part of it. _

_Sending a glare to Santana, Quinn merely rolled her eyes. Setting her water bottle in the pouch on her backpack, she merely crossed her arms. "Whatever, 'Tana. Don't you think it's time to dump your fries?" A smirk began to grow and her eyes flew over to where Berry was sitting alone...well, mostly alone, Jacob ben Stalker or whatever his name was, was about ten feet down from her and was obviously paying more attention to Rachel than his meal. _

_A mirrored look managed to make it's way across Santana's face. The girl was rising from the bench of their table, Brittany watching amused from behind her magazine. _

"_Come on, Brittany." Quinn stood, her backpack slinging over her shoulder. The other blonde was on her feet and they were heading out of the cafeteria, Quinn dumping her untouched salad in a trash bin, as she heard, a shriek from the other side of the lunch room. The merest flash of Rachel with fries in her hair standing up and trying to shake them from her as Santana merely slunk away the smugness almost radiating off her as she moved to catch up with her friends. _

She knew that Heather was giving her that look. That one that she normally gave Quinn, where her brow was raised in the slightest and she was just trying to figure out Quinn-no, she was trying to figure out if she wanted to figure out Quinn or if she wanted to let it be. Quinn's own lids were feeling heavy as she relaxed into Heather, but just by the tone her voice held, "You do know you were the one who got excited when we found out she was interested in the musical, right? If I remember correctly, you were even the one who called David to get the songs in her key, which I was amazed you already knew, but fine, we can focus on other things..." She didn't even have to see her to know that she was giving Quinn that look, and Quinn could feel all that relaxing that she had done, going away as she tensed slightly, she _hated_ that look.

Then the hand that was against her waist was sliding down, two exploring fingertips moving beneath the elastic of her panties and Quinn took a sharp breath, so much for tensing. "This a satisfactory change of speed for you, Q?" Heather's breath was hot against her neck and her lips were warm as she started to push away blonde locks. Exposing the span of Quinn's neck, Quinn merely nodded.

This was their thing. Sex, work, and the lack of emotion. Affection, sure, filled the air, as clothes began to shed. Breath coming less and less frequently. The room got warm enough to make up for the lack of warmth in their relationship. Quinn was left gasping, sweating, and quivering to the point that neither of the women noticed Quinn's computer fall from her lap, landing on the floor, opening enough that another window with yet another interview of Rachel's came up when the computer realized it was open...but, had either of them being paying attention to anything other than the fact a gasping Quinn was flipped onto her back, the world and that impending media storm was forgotten, they'd have noticed it was a much older interview, where the girl was much younger and her eyes were red, as though she had been crying mere moments before the interview.

Had Heather's fingers not been working over their magic and making the normally reserved Quinn Fabray murmur almost incoherently to keep up what she was doing. The women would have recognized the low sound of Quinn's computer auto-playing the video. Quinn would have frozen at the sound of Rachel's voice.

"We're here with Rachel Berry, the young lead of_ Funny Girl_, and young is...key. I heard you just...celebrated your twenty-third...umm...You look...distraught, Miss Berry? Is everything...alright?" A nervous reporter asked, her hands smoothing over a skirt and it was clearly written over her face that she had no idea quite how to handle the upset young starlet.

"Y-yeah, I just...celebrated that...and I'm-I saw someone I hadn't seen in...in a long time, an old-friend from high school and I'm great, just a-bittersweet moment." Rachel swallowed, before taking a sharp breath, one that synced up on the computer with a sharp noise that was coming from Heather's throat as Quinn started to take the upper hand.

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_AN: Another chapter down. This will be told through flashbacks as well, because the AU history is very important to the present interactions. Hopefully, it was coherent enough and you enjoyed it. xx._


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